"Divorce is not really a tragedy. It is a tragedy to decide to stay in an unhappy marriage and teach your children the wrong things about love. No one ever died from divorce." –Jennifer Weiner
Divorce is a long process and sometimes it can be arduous, experienced intensely and with great difficulty, especially when, following the marriage, there are also children, and they are involved in the conflict.
An important first stage, when the divorce intervenes, is the preparation of the child. He is gently told in the presence of both parents the separation that will follow, he is assured of their continued love and permanence, that he is not abandoned and that he has the unconditional support of both parents.
În astfel de momente, copiii sunt vulnerabili, trăiesc mult mai intens și brutal separarea de un membru al familiei. Indiferent de vârsta la care se întâmplă divorțul, aceștia sunt puși în situația de a împărți timpul cu cei doi părinți, casa, prietenii, activitățile, moment când în sufeltul său apare o luptă, un conflict interior major față de care nu știe cum să acționeze.
Iubirea copilului este necondiționată, egală, pentru ambii părinți, el nu își dorește și nu poate să facă diferențe între cei doi, îi este dificil să înțeleagă și să accepte separarea ce are loc în viața de familie. Deseori copilul își asuma vina separării, consideră că el este cauza conflictului.
Another aspect that should not be neglected is the fact that the child does not become the confidant, the one to whom emotions, grievances are shared and a coalition against the other partner is not built with him.
In the context of a divorce, the parent becomes the child's point of support and balance to avoid the child's violent behavior, social withdrawal, anxiety, depression or irritability, blame.
The more the relationship between the two partners remains balanced, there is communication, there is no criticism of the other partner, the rules the child was taught are still respected, the routines are maintained, the easier the child will overcome the changes that occur as a result of a separation.
Family is in your soul! YOU are the family!
Psychologist Carmen Mariana Ardeleanu
