"Divorce is not really a tragedy. It is a tragedy to decide to stay in an unhappy marriage and teach your children the wrong things about love. No one ever died from divorce." – Jennifer Weiner
Divorce is a long process and sometimes it can be arduous, experienced intensely and with great difficulty, especially when, following the marriage, there are also children, and they take part in the conflict.
An important first stage, when the divorce intervenes, is the preparation of the child. He is gently informed in the presence of both parents of the separation that will follow, he is assured of their continued love and permanence, that he is not abandoned and that he has the unconditional support of both parents.
In such moments, children are vulnerable, they live much more intensely and brutally the separation from a family member. Regardless of the age at which the divorce happens, they are put in the situation of sharing time with the two parents, the house, friends, activities, when a battle appears in his soul, a major inner conflict against which he does not know how to act .
The child's love is unconditional, equal, for both parents, he does not want and cannot differentiate between the two, it is difficult for him to understand and accept the separation that occurs in family life. Often the child takes the blame for the separation, considers that he is the cause of the conflict.
Another aspect that should not be neglected is the fact that the child does not become the confidant, the one to whom emotions, grievances are shared and a coalition against the other partner is not built with him.
In the context of a divorce, the parent becomes the child's point of support and balance to avoid the child's violent behavior, social withdrawal, anxiety, depression or irritability, blame.
The more the relationship between the two partners remains balanced, there is communication, there is no criticism of the other partner, the rules the child was taught are still respected, the routines are maintained, the easier the child will overcome the changes that occur as a result of a separation.
Family is in your soul! YOU are the family!
Psychologist Carmen Mariana Ardeleanu
