There is no challenge strong enough to destroy your marriage as long as you are both willing to stop fighting against each other and start fighting for each other.
How does a relationship begin? Imagine a triangle. Not a love triangle, but one that describes the course of a healthy and evolving couple relationship. Each corner of this triangle represents an essential stage: falling in love, a power struggle, and finally, mature love.
1. Falling in love – The ideal mirror
It all starts with a magical period: falling in love. It's that phase in which each partner feels understood, accepted, and loved exactly as they are. Flaws seem insignificant or even cute, and qualities are exaggerated by the filter of idealization. It's the moment when we see in the other what we need to see, not necessarily what they really are. But it's precisely this perception that creates a deep connection and is the key to emotional openness.
2. The Struggle for Power – The Land of Reality
After the hormonal surge passes and reality begins to set in, the second stage occurs: the power struggle. This is when partners are confronted with the real differences between them. Behaviors that once seemed funny or unimportant now begin to bother. In this phase, each person tries – consciously or unconsciously – to change the other in order to feel safe and loved again, as they did in the early days.
This “fight” is not a sign that the relationship is failing, but rather an essential test of its maturity. Unfortunately, many stop there – considering that they have made a mistake with their partner. In fact, what we experience in these conflicts is often a reflection of our past. Did you know that 90% of conflicts in a couple are not generated by your partner, but by your personal interpretations, formed as a result of your past experiences, especially from childhood? Only 10% has to do with the real message sent by your partner and by you now (the mature adult).
3. Mature Love – Balance and Acceptance
Only those who go through this stage of confrontation and mutual learning reach the third corner of the triangle: mature love. Here, the couple reaches a balance in which each has understood the needs of the other and no longer feels discomfort that things are not happening “like at home”, that is, as they were taught in childhood. It is the place where authentic acceptance takes the place of idealistic expectations, and love is no longer just a fleeting emotion, but a conscious and constant choice.
In conclusion, the struggle for power is not a danger, but an opportunity for growth. If it is viewed with sincerity, with openness and with the real desire to grow together, it can be the gateway to a deep, mature and stable love. The real challenge is not to find the “right” person, but to become the right partner yourself in the face of the challenges of life as a couple.
“We are born into a relationship. We are hurt in a relationship. We are healed through a relationship.”- Helen Lakelly Hunt
