"There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So be real.” – Sue Atkins
More and more frequently, a modern approach is desired in the parent-child relationship, non-conformist, but at the same time balanced, healthy, which is why the question arises: "Can I be a parent and a friend to my child at the same time?"
The answer is yes and no!
When we talk about friendship, the thought takes us to a person who is equal to us, who gives us advice, listens to us, and neither of the two is "ruling" (the permissive parent). This fact will not exactly outline an adequate relationship, the parent being without authority, the roles and responsibilities that are fundamentally different will be confused (friend-parent). The adult's confidences, friendship, can be devastating for the child who is not emotionally mature enough to deal with the accumulation of positive or negative information received. To the same extent, as a parent, it is recommended to respect the child's need for independence and privacy.
You can be friendly but not a friend, you are responsive to his needs, you can make jokes, you encourage him and you are close to him in crisis situations or whenever necessary. YOU - the parent, are the role model, offer and impose respect, precisely so that your child is able to convey respect in the relationship with those around him.
The child, at a young age, needs not a friend, but a parent who is in charge and offers him guidance, sets healthy rules, stimulates him cognitively, a parent who satisfies his basic but also emotional needs, from whom to receive guidance, so that they feel safe, become an autonomous teenager/adult, who trusts himself and is responsible for his actions.
The child needs YOU to be his parent and not his friend. If you bow to him in friendship, always understanding, submissive, humble, neither of you will gain. The child does not have a model from whom to learn how to adequately manage/manifest his behavior, emotions, he speaks to you rudely and without manners, as if you were his bank friend, for which you become angry, frustrated seeing a behavior inappropriate for his age that you are unable to manage.
You can be the child's friend and give him advice after he has acquired all the necessary skills to face life's challenges when he himself has become an adult!
You are a parent every day!
Carmen Mariana Ardeleanu, psychologist
